I am awakened by you,

It’s the start of a new day.

Before my foot touches down,

I know that I should pray.

In my brain fog,

I neglected to thank you for today’s breath.

I carry on with waking up,

Knowing there is much of the day left.

As I suit up for the day,

I contemplate my life.

I used to be a daily drunk

And now I’m walking in the light.

Like Deborah, I am awakened to answer his call.

I wonder why he is strengthening me,

Even when I feel so small.

I ready my day, putting on the armor of God.

I pick up the belt of truth,

And stand firm with the buckle around my waist.

How did the lies become so thick

In this once fully alive place?

I strap on the breastplate of righteousness,

Protecting my heart.

No matter the sinful entanglements,

Obedience to the Lord is where I start.

I lace up my shoes of peace,

Ready to stand firm in my faith.

I can’t help but wonder

What lies I must face.

Picking up the Shield of Faith,

I dip the shield’s heide in God’s flowing waters.

His waters replenish my soul,

Giving me the strength to encourage his sons and daughters.

I place the helmet of salvation on top of my head.

Working God’s salvation into every one of my thoughts.

I am ready for the day,

This battle is ready to be fought.

Picking up the sword of the spirit,

I spin the sword in my hand.

A bible verse loaded in my lips,

Equipped with the Word of God to spread across the land.

I can’t help but wonder, why me?

What am I being fortified for?

God answered, Why not?

Isn’t my love worth fighting for?

Battle ready,

I reply, “YES!”

Truly, my God,

Your love is the BEST!

A daily battle

A true Knight’s tale.

The gift of waking up

My mission will not fail.

To love the Lord

Is to fight for him

And Yes, my Lord,

You can count me as “all in”

Good Morning, my friends, and Happy Testimony Tuesday. I titled this episode "Fear of the Lord" as that is kind of where I found myself last week. You all know I'm Jesus' cheerleader! But the God of the Old Testament is so powerful, and he can be frightening at times. 

Remember how I told you guys I did a 5-week coaching on my strengths and talents, and how it was very helpful? Well, I decided to continue with an additional 90 days. That way, I can make sure that I am implementing my strengths in my daily life. Again, I can not tell you enough how this small coaching has really helped me change my life! Please note that my Context is #4 on my list. So I really enjoy connecting the past to understand what is happening today!

This week, the coach asked me, "What do you want to talk about?" and I was all, "I don't know, everything has been really great." To which he answered, "Let's ask the Lord what he wants you to hear this week." The answer was silence. I responded, "I don't hear anything from him this week. And I believe it is because I am afraid of him." My coach was very intrigued by this, and we began to dig in.

I explained how I am reading the Bible, and I am in Judges. The 6 previous books of the Bible are so intense with God killing Aaron's sons for not burning the correct incense, and Moses telling Aaron, You must not grieve the death of your sons. (Leviticus 10) How can God ask that of us? But then I understand how the obedience to God comes before the dedication you have to your children. As a mother, my heart grieved for Aaron's sons. 

In my flesh, I can not understand all of the specific details that God requires of us. In my fear and shame of the Lord, I can identify how Adam and Eve hid their nakedness from God.(Genesis 3:10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”) The fall has covered us in shame, and my shame almost keeps me at a distance from the Lord, when he actually requires the opposite. He wants us to come to him with our shame so he can clean us and make us whole. (1 John 1:9 But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins. We can trust God. He does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrongs we have done.) 

The coach and I also spoke about forgiving myself, as I blame myself for the life I once lived, and how I can't make up the lost time. He came up with a ton of Bible verses that showed how God will restore the time lost to us. (Joel 2:25 I sent my great army against you. Those swarming locusts and the hopping locusts the destroying locusts and the cutting locusts ate your crops. But I will pay you back for those years of trouble) (Isaiah 40:31 But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will be able to rise up as an eagle in the sky. They will run without needing rest. They will walk without becoming tired.)

God always speaks to me with affirmations and context clues to help me understand life and his direction. That night, when I read my Bible, I came across the story of Deborah. Deborah was a Judge in the book of Joshua she was awoken by God she could help guide the Israelites with their moral compass. (Judges 5:12 “Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up, sing a song! Get up, Barak! Go capture your enemies, son of Abinoam!) The Israelites had been oppressed for 20 years, and Deborah answered God's wake-up call and helped the Israelites defeat their oppressors. 

For me, this was God's confirmation that it didn't matter how long I was asleep, He called me to wake up and speak up for the Lord. In my obedience, I answered his call. God is helping me become a leader for those who need guidance in the Lord's ways. I am not tooting my own horn, but humbly confessing that Jesus has a plan for my life, and I will fulfill my destiny.

I think this message today is very important on why life matters and suicide is not the answer. If we wake up for one more day, the Lord may have a mighty plan for our lives. Truly, we should not live in shame or define what our life is meant to be. God is in control, and we will all be alright in the end.

The coach also had me write out all the horrible things I think about myself, and ask God what he thinks about those things. God told me, "What things? I can not see them anymore," and I am so thankful to be washed in the blood of Christ. This verse confirmed how God sees me (Philippians 2:15 Then you will be innocent and without anything wrong in you. You will be God’s children without fault. But you are living with crooked and mean people all around you. Among them, you shine like stars in the dark world.)

I love the Lord, and the fear of the Lord is healthy. I do not take him for granted or call on him to grant me 3 wishes. I love him and want to honor him with all the days I have left on Earth! If I can help one person run back to the arms of our father, then I know God will tell me: (‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:23) 

I hope you all are blessed and you are working hard to understand the life God meant for you to have! Blessings over each one of you! And if you need me, I am always here! 

Hello Friends! Welcome to Testimony Tuesday! Our favorite day of the week (except for Sunday😉)! This week's episode is titled "resting in dark places," as I wanted to highlight our struggles and why they are so great! I felt your side eye...but trust me! In our darkness, God is able to shine his light the most!

I would assume most of you would describe me as optimistic, cheerful, full of hope, and faith. I can assure you that this is not always the case. In case you haven't read in my posts, I have some pretty dark humor, which typically happens after trauma as a coping mechanism. Also, you have read some pretty self-deprecating articles, so no, I am not always the happy little creation God intended me to be.

While doing my coaching on my strengths, POSITIVITY was number 28/34, which is a pretty low/ dormant trait on the list. My coach made a statement, "God allowed you to rest in dark places, and you can not be positive all the time, as you were able to navigate some really hard stuff." That makes sense when you think about the people who REFUSE to wake up. Most of us on here want to stare death in the eyes so that we can confront it, and defeat it with God's love.

I have often stated, "I have the gift of pain," and I guess this was always true for me. In my life, I typically experience a deep hardship or loss, and someone close to me will find themselves on the same path later down the road. In being first to walk through the darkness, I am able to provide them a flashlight of God's wisdom and love so they don't have to navigate their situation alone. What a blessing that is to me, that God equipped me to rest in darkness so that I can offer his light to others when they pass by.  (Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.) Psalm 91:1.

I hope that by sharing my voice and my experiences, I can bring hope to the hopeless and strength to those who need it! I've really come to learn we are all in this together, no one makes it out alive, and if we can help our brothers or sisters out while we still have time left on Earth, why don't we?! Be the smile that no one offered you, be the example a child needed to see, be who you were created to be! I love you so much!

Short and sweet this week, but I wanted to share the rambles of my mind so we had something to glorify God with! All the glory to God, every breath that he allows me to take is a gift. And to think what I would have missed out on in my life if I had listened to the devil and ended it all a long time ago! Life is beautiful if you cut out the noise! Be blessed this week!!!