Hello, my friends! Welcome back to this episode of Testimony Tuesday! Today, I want to honor God by sharing how he is redeeming and restoring me day by day. Isaiah 41:14 …I am the one who helps you, declares the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

This past week was Spring Break for my area in Florida. I have worked a few Saturdays to stack up my PTO and took the week off with my kids. This was my first time really getting a chance to break away and spend one-on-one time with them. I got us a nice hotel room with a beautiful view, and the hotel had an on-site water park! It was the coldest day of the week when we went, but the boys got in the water, and we had such a fun time.

My mom made the trip out for the water park day, and it was a slow, leisurely day spent with her. My heart was so full! I remember when she took us to places like that when I was little, and it was a full-circle moment that I was able to take her with us and share new memories with my children. Sometimes I am so sad about our relationship, and maybe I need to manage my expectations of her better. This was the FIRST time in my life that I had peace, no anxiety to go to the park, no snapping at my kids or my mom, I was just totally in the moment, basking in the sun, and thanking God for his restoration.

I can remember when I was in active addiction, I would always beat myself up about missing events with my family or making things so bitter it was unenjoyable. I spoke about this feeling during my coaching sessions, and my coach told me, "God is the restorer, the redeemer, and he will give you back what you lost 10-fold." You know, I never expected or wanted that from God; I just wanted to be a healthier version of myself. But God is so good! God has been giving me so much more in my life, in every interaction, in every fellowship, in every breath that I take, and I will spend the rest of my life praising his good name. 

I am having a challenging time with my youngest son, and life will look a little different for him the rest of his life. But I told him, "Thank you for being you! You get to teach me how to be a better Mom," and I mean that! Yesterday, he shut down at school, and when I picked him up, he looked defeated. The first thing I did was ask him to tell me all about it so I could understand him. Then I told him he did a good job, and tomorrow we get to try again!

I told him to talk to God when he is having a hard time at school, and he told me he didn't want to bother God with that stuff. I told him, "Please bother God!" God wants us in our happy, in our sad, and he loves the oppertunity to be with us no matter the situation. I told my son, count your blessings when you are feeling like things are hard, and God will help change your day. We were counting them together, and my son said, "God, thank you for the hot food we get to eat when my Mom makes me a plate," And I KNEW God was with us, working on my son's heart.

Miracle after miracle, God is working hard in my life. And every day my life is a Testimony to him. His story is my story as he moves and works through me. What an amazing life I am having with God in the driver's seat! I love you guys. I am honored to share my life with you, to give you hope and faith when you are running low! Thanks for coming along with me on my journey. May God bless you this week! <3 Ally. 

Happy Testimony Tuesday my dear friends! Its been a little over a month since I've posted, but we made it through the Holidays! Whew 🥴. I have learned so much about myself and extreme emotions during this time. We assume the Holidays are the "most wonderful time of the year" but they also bring a lot of BIG FEELINGS to some of us.

Today marks 270 days alcohal free, 160 days Cigarette free, and let me go ahead and confess aloud, and 74 days THC free. The only thing I do now is a nicotine mouth pouch 2-3 times a day so not really that heavy there either. God is so good!! He has taken me from a filthy wretch and has refind me and cleaned me up so well, its unbelievable.

It hasnt been easy though. When I first quit my vices, there was a pure RAGE. I was so mad at everything. Noises, people, traffic, my kids, every little thing was setting me off. I know you all think I am a lovely peach, but my defualt emotion has always been anger. At work, I "mask" and come off sweet and positive and helpful. I often wonder is this the real me, or is the home the real me? The home is cranky, assertive, demanding and argumentative. Perhaps this is a learned behavior as my home life was never the safe place and work maybe was an escape for me. I dont know, Im still learning and a work in progress.

Going through the detox, I reached out to the life coach I was working with and he reminded me, this is the first time I am "feeling" my emotions. And you know what, he was right. I have been smoking and drinking since I was 14. Its aweful to say but the streets really raised me. You had to kind of be 'bad' to survive. If I would have felt everything I was actually going through, perhaps I wouldnt have survived. Thats God's kind of grace in my life. He allowed me those vices to survive, and then when it no longer served me, he took them away. I am the most physically and mentally healthy as I have ever been in my WHOLE LIFE.

Then I read how Jesus was offered something to 'numb his pain' during the cross, and he rejected it. He wanted to feel the suffering and be the perfect sacrifice. That really made me emotional to know our God, who was made flesh, FELT every pain we could go through and he chose to do so with Love. A true love for his children.

"The gospel of Mark describes what Jesus had to endure, “And they brought him to the place called Golgotha (which means Place of a Skull). And they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it. And they crucified him and divided his garments among them, casting lots for them, to decide what each should take” (Mark 15:22-24 ESV throughout).

According to ancient Hebrew custom based on Proverbs 31:6-7, honorable women of Jerusalem would attend executions to provide support to the condemned. The women would administer them wine mixed with myrrh, or wine mixed with gall (Matthew 27:33-35) as a way to deaden or numb the senses from the pain of the cross. The mixture was also a natural sedative, putting those who took it to sleep.

Jesus refused to take it, “And they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it” (Mark 15:23). Jesus refused because he wanted to experience every single moment appointed to him by the Father (Matthew 26:39) in order to remain the perfect sacrifice for sin (Ephesians 5:2)." -https://lookingtogod.org/2018/03/26/what-did-jesus-drink-while-dying-on-the-cross/

Isnt that such a perfect example on how we need to just feel this life and get through it?! 

After the inital detox and trying to feel my true emotions, I am learning to be gental with myself and notice my "small wins." The other day, I rewatched a movie from 10 years ago. I know I've seen it before but I didnt remember a lot of the story as I watched it. I thought to myself "this is probably the first time you have watched a movie without being drunk or high" and I smiled to myself on the couch. I was home alone, but I felt so close to God. I love Jesus/ God so much. I see him in little tiny details of my life daily. Its pretty intamate and incedible to be loved by God.

I hope you give yourself grace and gentleness this week, and lean into the arms of God. He loves you so much and I love you too!     💗 Ally.