Good Morning, my friends, and Happy Testimony Tuesday. I titled this episode "Fear of the Lord" as that is kind of where I found myself last week. You all know I'm Jesus' cheerleader! But the God of the Old Testament is so powerful, and he can be frightening at times. 

Remember how I told you guys I did a 5-week coaching on my strengths and talents, and how it was very helpful? Well, I decided to continue with an additional 90 days. That way, I can make sure that I am implementing my strengths in my daily life. Again, I can not tell you enough how this small coaching has really helped me change my life! Please note that my Context is #4 on my list. So I really enjoy connecting the past to understand what is happening today!

This week, the coach asked me, "What do you want to talk about?" and I was all, "I don't know, everything has been really great." To which he answered, "Let's ask the Lord what he wants you to hear this week." The answer was silence. I responded, "I don't hear anything from him this week. And I believe it is because I am afraid of him." My coach was very intrigued by this, and we began to dig in.

I explained how I am reading the Bible, and I am in Joshua. The 5 previous books of the Bible are so intense with God killing Aaron's sons for not burning the correct incense, and Moses telling Aaron, You must not grieve the death of your sons. (Leviticus 10) How can God ask that of us? But then I understand how the obedience to God comes before the dedication you have to your children. As a mother, my heart grieved for Aaron's sons. 

In my flesh, I can not understand all of the specific details that God requires of us. In my fear and shame of the Lord, I can identify how Adam and Eve hid their nakedness from God.(Genesis 3:10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”) The fall has covered us in shame, and my shame almost keeps me at a distance from the Lord, when he actually requires the opposite. He wants us to come to him with our shame so he can clean us and make us whole. (1 John 1:9 But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins. We can trust God. He does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrongs we have done.) 

The coach and I also spoke about forgiving myself, as I blame myself for the life I once lived, and how I can't make up the lost time. He came up with a ton of Bible verses that showed how God will restore the time lost to us. (Joel 2:25 I sent my great army against you. Those swarming locusts and the hopping locusts the destroying locusts and the cutting locusts ate your crops. But I will pay you back for those years of trouble) (Isaiah 40:31 But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will be able to rise up as an eagle in the sky. They will run without needing rest. They will walk without becoming tired.)

God always speaks to me with affirmations and context clues to help me understand life and his direction. That night, when I read my Bible, I came across the story of Deborah. Deborah was a Judge in the book of Joshua she was awoken by God she could help guide the Israelites with their moral compass. (Judges 5:12 “Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up, sing a song! Get up, Barak! Go capture your enemies, son of Abinoam!) The Israelites had been oppressed for 20 years, and Deborah answered God's wake-up call and helped the Israelites defeat their oppressors. 

For me, this was God's confirmation that it didn't matter how long I was asleep, He called me to wake up and speak up for the Lord. In my obedience, I answered his call. God is helping me become a leader for those who need guidance in the Lord's ways. I am not tooting my own horn, but humbly confessing that Jesus has a plan for my life, and I will fulfill my destiny.

I think this message today is very important on why life matters and suicide is not the answer. If we wake up for one more day, the Lord may have a mighty plan for our lives. Truly, we should not live in shame or define what our life is meant to be. God is in control, and we will all be alright in the end.

The coach also had me write out all the horrible things I think about myself, and ask God what he thinks about those things. God told me, "What things? I can not see them anymore," and I am so thankful to be washed in the blood of Christ. This verse confirmed how God sees me (Philippians 2:15 Then you will be innocent and without anything wrong in you. You will be God’s children without fault. But you are living with crooked and mean people all around you. Among them, you shine like stars in the dark world.)

I love the Lord, and the fear of the Lord is healthy. I do not take him for granted or call on him to grant me 3 wishes. I love him and want to honor him with all the days I have left on Earth! If I can help one person run back to the arms of our father, then I know God will tell me: (‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:23) 

I hope you all are blessed and you are working hard to understand the life God meant for you to have! Blessings over each one of you! And if you need me, I am always here! 

Hello Friends! Welcome to Testimony Tuesday! Our favorite day of the week (except for Sunday😉)! This week's episode is titled "resting in dark places," as I wanted to highlight our struggles and why they are so great! I felt your side eye...but trust me! In our darkness, God is able to shine his light the most!

I would assume most of you would describe me as optimistic, cheerful, full of hope, and faith. I can assure you that this is not always the case. In case you haven't read in my posts, I have some pretty dark humor, which typically happens after trauma as a coping mechanism. Also, you have read some pretty self-deprecating articles, so no, I am not always the happy little creation God intended me to be.

While doing my coaching on my strengths, POSITIVITY was number 28/34, which is a pretty low/ dormant trait on the list. My coach made a statement, "God allowed you to rest in dark places, and you can not be positive all the time, as you were able to navigate some really hard stuff." That makes sense when you think about the people who REFUSE to wake up. Most of us on here want to stare death in the eyes so that we can confront it, and defeat it with God's love.

I have often stated, "I have the gift of pain," and I guess this was always true for me. In my life, I typically experience a deep hardship or loss, and someone close to me will find themselves on the same path later down the road. In being first to walk through the darkness, I am able to provide them a flashlight of God's wisdom and love so they don't have to navigate their situation alone. What a blessing that is to me, that God equipped me to rest in darkness so that I can offer his light to others when they pass by.  (Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.) Psalm 91:1.

I hope that by sharing my voice and my experiences, I can bring hope to the hopeless and strength to those who need it! I've really come to learn we are all in this together, no one makes it out alive, and if we can help our brothers or sisters out while we still have time left on Earth, why don't we?! Be the smile that no one offered you, be the example a child needed to see, be who you were created to be! I love you so much!

Short and sweet this week, but I wanted to share the rambles of my mind so we had something to glorify God with! All the glory to God, every breath that he allows me to take is a gift. And to think what I would have missed out on in my life if I had listened to the devil and ended it all a long time ago! Life is beautiful if you cut out the noise! Be blessed this week!!! 

Hello Friends! Today, we are looking at John Hill Jr.'s Testimony, "From Darkness to Light." John Hill Jr., formerly known as Boonk Gang, now known as Holy Gabbanna, is working for God's Army instead of the Army of Darkness. He is using his social media platforms to usher other lost souls to Jesus Christ.

John had a tumultuous childhood. After his father passed, his mother buried herself into work to keep up on the family's finances. John was often left alone, so he found himself chasing trouble to keep himself entertained. John noticed another social media user was getting a lot of views from posting their antics, and he thought he could do the same. So, his social media stardom began with him filming the worldly things that brought him joy. 

John's sister shared his video on her Facebook account, and his video hit a million views. At the time, he thought he hit the jackpot. He thought, "Now I've got to do this 100 more times!" John had 10,000 followers when he started, and he started posting videos of himself stealing and creating disorder. He thought, "How can I go to jail today?" each time he created content so he could go viral. In John's heart, he really wanted to make his name known; "Boonk Gang." Looking back at things now, he said God was using that fire to make his own name known.

John was searching for a better life, and he didn't know how to do it on his own. He realized that God had so much in store for him and that John didn't have the skills to do it alone. John remembers getting out of jail with no bus fare to return home, and his mother didn't want to come get him. His mother would drive past him while he was walking in the street, and all John longed for was a comfortable life. 

John's examples in life were basically "If I want it, I've got to take it myself." No one ever told him to surrender and go to God. That, if you lay it down to God, he will give you all the desires of your heart. John notes that once you ask God for your heart's desire, he will give it to you, and that it won't fill you with pride. He will never give you something you want that draws you away from him, but rather, he will give you whatever you want as a relationship tool to bring you closer to him. 

From the outside looking in, John had everything he asked for. He started to have fame, he started to get all the attention he felt he missed as a child, but inside he was still lost, left hurting and empty. He said "Money just amplifies who you really are.. If you are a bad person, it will make you more evil." He said that who he was on the inside was a broken, angry person. After all this fame, he found himself in jail. In Jail, John met our Father, Jesus Christ.

John found he was very popular in jail, too popular that the security guards had to move him to isolation and then found him a new cellmate. His cellmate named Joshua, asked him, "Do you believe in Jesus?" And John answered, "Yes, I believe in Jesus." As a kid, he was taught about Jesus, but was never taught as an adult how to LIVE for Jesus. The example he had a kid was they went to church on Sunday morning, believed in Jesus, but then came home, and he was beaten and yelled at all night.

Like many of us, he felt repelled by "Christians" who look fake and do not bear the fruits of the Spirit. His cellmate Joshua was always talking about Jesus, and John started to ask him questions to get to know Jesus more. John said that even though the seed was planted wrong, it was still planted, because when his cellmate asked if he believed about Jesus, he said yes. (Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old, he will not depart from it.)

John found himself singing "Jesus loves you, for he died on the cross for our sins..." His cellmate poured Jesus into him and showed him so much love. Jail has no love inside the walls. John started singing about Jesus' love to fill the cells of the jail with hope. John would sing to others to keep his spirits up, but at night he would cry himself to sleep. One night as he was crying, he felt a peace wash over him. His cellmate Josh told him "You just had an encounter with the Holy Spirit" 

For now, I will leave you on that note, and encourage you to watch his full testimony as it is ALIVE with God's promises. I hope his testimony reminds us... we aren't meant to come to God as the perfect Christian. We are meant to come to God in our Truth. God will meet you in your broken place and restore your soul to peace! Just call out to him. He loves us and wants us to walk with him as beloved children. 

I hope you have a blessed week and remember, I LOVE YOU ALL!