Forty Years

In Forty years

Of walking with you

Not once have you let me go

In all the years

I spent fighting myself

You never let it show

I could have been

Lost to the streets

With open wounds

And sores on my feet

In forty years

You protected

And covered me

Through it all

In forty years

You graciously picked me up

from my fall

In forty years

I would finally understand

What it feels like to

Not be afraid

In forty years

Walking with you

I finally understand

The bed that I made

In forty years

Of wondering

I remember the Isrealites

For they also wandered with you

In forty years

Of wandering then

You made a way

for everything to become new

In forty years

I thought I would die

Instead, you showed me

How to be alive

In forty years

You never left me once

But I did stumble and fall

In forty years

I finally understand

The point of life at all

For the next forty years

I eagerly walk with you

Lauging and sharing

this wonder with you

For the next forty years

I lay my life down to follow you.

Wherever we go

I know its gonna be cool. 

Happy Testimony Tuesday, my beloveds! I'm sorry these TT posts are sporadically posted, but you know, that thing called life... it takes up a lot of my time :D

May 3rd was an especially significant date for me, it was my 1 year alcohol-free! I mean, just look at the before-and-after. These photos were taken on the same day, 1 year apart, on May 3rd! In the 'before' photo, you can see my utter disgust. I was swollen, a little hungover, and getting ready for a coaching session. It was on that day that the coach told me that I am self-comforting instead of getting my comfort from God, and from then on, I decided to change my life. Today, I look much healthier, and there is a light back in my eyes. 

That was also the day I started to read my Bible from start to finish. I chose to do this Bible reading plan and listened to the audio, which read me the chapters before bed. I would try to follow along, but some nights I fell asleep listening to the reading. I do not feel guilty for falling asleep; in fact, I feel like it was a blessing, as in the past, most nights I fell asleep when I was drunk and ready for bed. During this recovery, the reading helped me seek the Lord, and he gave me rest.

Some people have reached out to me to ask, " How did I get sober, and what did I do?" My honest response is this is God's story, and God's glory. The only thing I did was deny my flesh, and instead I started seeking the Lord. When he says, " Be still and know I am God", he meant it! (Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.)

I recently heard someone talking about how reading the Bible actually 'rewires' your brain. That was pretty interesting to think about. You know how they say our brains have these little highways that transfer information to our consciousness, and we become that thought? Well, reading the Bible helps you get out of the ghettos off the highway and takes you along the scenic route. I love how reading from start to finish helped me fear the Lord, and then come to a loving understanding. My brain truly has become rewired. (Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.)

I have noticed such a change in myself, I am no longer triggered by the things of my past, I am trying to be in the present when spending time with my Mom or family. I can tell I am much more peaceful as a Mom and don't snap and yell at the little things. I feel sadness for not being fully present when they were little, but I know God is a restorer and will give me back all the things that I lost. (Isaiah 61:7 Instead of your shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.)

The trick is, I didn't do anything, no 12-step AA meeting, no accountability coach, it was a journey walking with God hand in hand. I feel incredible, I feel loved, and most of all, I feel seen by a God who created me for a time such as this. Please trust God, my friends, with all your heart. Even when I missed a day of reading, when I returned, Jesus was there waiting for me. He is waiting for you, too! Join him :)

Hello, Friends! Today, I would like to profess that Veronica Swift is not a Satanist. I think all of us here can attest to that, but the slander continues online. So, I thought we would discuss what a Satanist is, and what I have found Veronica to be.

Let’s start with the definition of a Satanist. Dictionary.com defines a Satanist as 1. A person who engages in any of a highly diverse group of religions, philosophical, or countercultural practices centered around Satan, either as a deity or nontheistic symbol of enlightenment, individualism, or ethical egoism. 2. A person who participated in a deliberate inversion of Christian rites in which Satan is worshiped. 3. Also, a satanist is a person with a diabolical or satanic disposition who engages in diabolical behavior, an evil person. Ok, so a Satanist is a person who engages in practices centered around Satan. A person who participates in an inversion of Christian rites, who worships Satan. Lastly, a Satanist is an evil person. The key principle of today’s acting Satanists is “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.” To me, Veronica is none of those things. In fact, Veronica has only ever inspired me to follow Christ MORE!

5 years ago, when I came across Veronica’s Mother of Darkens post. I did not take her tone as evil or inverting Christ. I did not even read the tone of the agenda. What I read was a clearly organized thought, supported by references and research. I was so impressed by the article that God prompted me to email her and offer my support. I have never reached out to a stranger online like this before, and I have not really reached out to any other authors like this since. In starting my journey, I have made friends along the way, like Cathy Fox, but Veronica was out of the blue, and I believe divinely inspired by God.

When I started my friendship with Veronica, we made our little Locals page, and we shared articles back and forth, or clips of books we found interesting. She had an idea that maybe I could read her blog posts and share videos on YouTube. When we tried, it was blazingly clear that I had zero self-confidence and stumbled through the video, my voice shaking and my body tense. I think we scraped the idea pretty quickly. I became the welcome committee on the Locals page and joined in commenting, sharing her articles, and making others feel comfortable on our little corner of the internet. I was Veronica’s cheerleader, and that fit me much more than her “voice” online. At this part of the story, I ask you, did she persuade me to become an evil mouthpiece, or did she just ask me to help spread her thoughtful research?

During our friendship, we often shared broken pieces of ourselves and ALWAYS looked towards Jesus Christ for our healing and our strength. In identifying my self-esteem issues, Veronica helped me seek the Lord for my voice. Together, we came up with the idea of me posting weekly articles, and I thought of the idea of Testimony Tuesday articles. Now, would a Satanist want me to glorify Christ weekly by sharing people’s transformations in Christ and by being open with my own healing Journy in Christ? I think not.

After pouring my heart out in my Testimony Tuesday stories, she offered that I should do this Clifton Strengths quiz to help identify my strengths. I really liked this idea as it didn’t just harp on my weaknesses but instead helped me look at all the good qualities I already had inside and helped cultivate my growth. Once I took my quiz, she linked me up with a coach to go over all my strengths and really help me dig in. Why would a Satanist want to continue to build me up and not sway me towards wickedness by now? It really seems that God ordained our friendship so we could help heal each other and lift each other up when we fall. Not once did she force me, coerce me, threaten me, or gaslight me into thinking her way or manipulate me into being her ‘servant.’ She was my friend who loved me and supported me while I broke out of the chains of bondage.

To me, a Christian is a person who admits their sins and tries to do their best every day. They love Jesus Christ, and they acknowledge his death and resurrection. They lift their friends up in prayer, help their friends with healthy accountability, and walk side by side in the Spiritual battle. Veronica has been all these things and so much more to me. Meeting her was the start of my healing journey. Together, we solidified my becoming an active player on the battlefield instead of a passive player. My voice was already made for much more; I just needed a friend to believe in me.

I will continue to be Veronica’s friend and supporter. There are so many evil players on the battlefield. It's time we unite and strengthen our swords in Jesus’ name. Even Jesus was here to take up his sword against the enemy. Matthew 10:34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.”  Take up your cross and take up your swords! We are at the endgame, pick up your weapons and FIGHT! God bless you, my friends and soldiers. I will see you on the battlefield, standing alongside Veronica Swift. <3 Ally.