Helllllo Friends! It has been a few weeks since I have been able to post and for that, I am truly sorry. I know some of you have come to appreciate these posts and the little things that draw you closer to God. August is a CRAZY month for me with back to school, 2 kids' birthdays, and the hottest month in Florida for the HVAC business.
I titled this post "Don't count on me" because honestly, I will probably always be a letdown. My Dad, who helps me with everything I could ever need, (down payment for a house, a new AC unit etc....) had his birthday on 09/14. Guess who is the worst? ME! He helped me buy so many things and the least I could do was call him on time for his birthday, but I forgot and called the next day. It seems easy, to do what others expect from you, but it is also really easy to disappoint the people you love.
My mom has a wedding in November, and all she asked was for me to make her some invitations, It took me weeks to get this done! She helps me with food and just talks to me daily so I can vent and sound ugly and she provides me with a safe space to be mean and loves me anyway. This is a big help to me as I don't always play nice. And being able to sound mean and ugly helps me blow off steam.
I wish that I could "show up" for the people who love and count on me, but people should expect me to disappoint them and just rejoice when I get things right! I think we as people often fail other people, and this also relates to our relationship with God.
He is a parent who has expectations, rules, and examples to live by. Every day we fall short, and bruise our knees, and our Loving God picks us back up, wipes our tears away, and is proud of us when we get up and try again. I was praying the other night, "How can I do more?" "What do you want from me?" the usual... and I swear God told me to love myself.
This is as you know a foreign concept for me, but when I stopped and thought about it... It probably hurts God that I am so self-deprecating and lustful for the big sleep. He created ME to enjoy this place. He created ME to help pick others back up when they fall. He created ME to love and be loved, so I need to start allowing myself some grace that I generously provide for others.
I hope you are all well, and enjoyed this little bit of self-reflection. I hope YOU have a great day, and rejoice in the day. God made this whole world and then thought to himself... how much greater it would be with YOU in it! I love you guys <3